#Life is to be lived fully. Embrace it, chase your ideals, and love hard like a MOFO. And please… Please… Don’t say #Yolo. Cheers! 🙌 #success #positive #mindset (Taken with instagram)
Psalm 25: 8-10
Junior year of college I became very close with a male friend. I felt comfortable telling him everything about me. He knows more than my closest friends. Everyone of my deepest, darkest secrets… He knows. Everyone thought we were involved at the time but at that point in time we weren’t. We just had a closeness with each other that nobody else understood.
After 3 years of being just friends, I developed feelings. Actually, I’ll be honest - I always had a crush. I just knew he had a girlfriend and I didnt want to jeopardize a friendship for a relationship that would eventually fizzle out. So, after his relationship and mine were over (over for a while)… We started seeing each other. Everything was great… Until the ex started coming up a lot. I found out he lied to me and went to see her so I didnt talk to him for almost a year.
The same day I found out he went to visit her, my grandmother passed away from brain cancer. I never told anyone but I wanted to die. I lost my grandmother, I lost my best friend and for while my world ended. At that point in life, I seriously wanted to die. I would never take my own life but I felt like I didnt have a reason to live. It took me over a year to get back to being halfway normal and I’m still not quite there yet.
I let him back into my life, as a friend and its confusing. I do believe he didnt cheat but I dont like being lied to. Now we are just friends and last week I saw him for the first time in over a year. All of those feelings came back and I wish I could bury them.
It just hurts feeling like youre completely in love with someone and not wanting anyone but them when they dont outwardly express the same feelings towards you. I’ve asked and get round about answers but when I’m with him, I feel like no-one else exists. I just want to get over it.
Right now I only want him but, its not fair to me to compare other people I date to him and I cant wait forever. I’m 25, I want a family, I want babies & most of all I want to be happy. If he cant give me all of those things I need to find someone who will.
-(Sorry for the depressing post, I just needed to vent)